Stop Doing My Job!


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I feel like I am going out of business! Every time I try to do my thing, inserting a terrible thought into people’s heads, the thought is already there! Everyone seems to be going out, having fun with no masks, and gathering when they shouldn’t be! Stop that! I do not say that because I actually want you to stop it – I want you to stop doing it of your own free will so I can get my job back causing people to do awful things!

            This Halloween won’t be fun at all because I cannot go out and create chaos. Of course I love seeing chaos and watching people do terrible things but it’s more fun when it’s my own doing! Watching an idiot be an idiot is like watching a horse eat grass: it does what it does because it is the nature of a horse, and the nature of an idiot. The real fun comes out when people who do not typically do stupid things do them and embarrass themselves in front of everyone! Watching the secondhand embarrassment, the shame, the agony upon realizing what they have done is where all the entertainment is at…How people just point and laugh at them for doing something so out of character, asking them, “How could you have done this? Are you an idiot!?” is better than gold itself!

            But I can’t even get this from you! No! You all have to be idiots and do stupid things by yourself and not act a bit embarrassed over what you have done. In fact, the lot of you are proud of what you do! Not a bit remorseful! You have no shame, no embarrassment, you do not run back to your house or car and mope! I cannot even get a sip of negative emotions from you in order to keep myself youthful. In fact, you are killing me! Would you dare kill your sweet little witch, who has been living on campus feasting off the dread that you college students experience due to finals? Awful, I say! Terrible!

Because of you, I may just have to move! I had such a lovely arrangement with the yeti and vampire just down the road from where you are. I also hear that you still do not have any lights, which, by the way, Dracula is very pleased with. At least someone can be happy at the ineptitude of this campus.