Settling in Relationships


A graphic of a couple having a relationship conflict. | Photo Credit: MaxPixel

The relationships you build are some of the most important connections you will make in life. You become closer to another individual sharing intimate moments and feelings. When you think of your ideal partner, who comes to mind? What are their hobbies and what are their qualities? Thinking about the certain type of person that you like is very important as it firmly establishes the type of people that interest you and helps you discover more about yourself and what you like. An article from Better Homes & Gardens explains that “it’s only natural to have a ‘type’ in relationships – not just for physical attraction, but emotional and psychological compatibility, too. After all, it stands to reason that there might be some similarities in the people you find it possible to conduct a relationship with. Not everyone can, or wants to, date each other.”

What makes people fall out of their certain “types” and settle in relationships? According to an article from Bustle, a huge factor in why people tend to settle in relationships is because they do not want to be alone. With the fear of being alone and being single, people would rather stick with the person they have already been with, even if they do not technically have all the qualities of their type. Another reason people settle is because they do not think that they can do any better than what they have currently. This forces individuals into a mindset where they would never have anyone better and should just be content with what they have now. Sometimes people can have strong denial over their feelings and simply settle in relationships. This is often the case in many relationships between younger couples, as in college student relationships.

Is settling into a relationship a bad thing? There are both pros and cons. For starters, the reasons why people settle could be very detrimental to one’s self-esteem. Low confidence and low self-esteem are common among people who settle for someone that is not their type. People who settle in relationships could easily be unhappy with their relationship. Unhappiness is usually the cause of dysfunctional relationships and behaviors such as lying, cheating, abuse, etc. There are some potentially good aspects to settling, however. Some people find genuine happiness and connection from settling with someone they would not have considered their type. This broadens people’s horizons and opens their minds as they form relationships outside their comfort zone and helps them learn more about themselves and what they like.

While settling does have its ups and downs, the main takeaway is to never lessen your value as a person. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being and staying single, especially if you have not found the right person for you. If you choose to settle and date outside your comfort zone, remember to value yourself and the other person. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship but when you have a great connection with the person you are with and you value each other equally, an extraordinary relationship could be made.