Libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) — You have a lot of things to do so you better think about getting to work.  Really, you don’t have to actually do it, but thinking about it is the first step.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21) — Making fun of someone can be funny, but it can also be hurtful.  The same goes for getting punched in your face.  Think before you speak.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21) — Don’t be in such a hurry all the time.  Stop and smell the flowers every once in a while.  That is, if they aren’t already dead. It is fall after all.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Checking the backseat of your car before going anywhere may ease your mind, but what are you going to if you find someone hiding there? Well, besides screaming and messing your pants.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) — You know what cures loneliness? Talking to someone. Inanimate objects work too.

Pisces (Feb. 19 to March 20) — You need to remember your way isn’t the only way.  Don’t be a micromanager.  Let people do things their own way.  Potato potato, right?

Aries (March 21 to April 19) — You may not be able to afford something you want, but borrowing something for life isn’t the best option. Or is it?

Taurus (April 20 to May 20) — Nothing remedies boredom better than taking photos of yourself and posting them online for the whole world to see. Everyone (as in no one) is looking forward to seeing your amateur modeling skills.

Gemini (May 21 to June 20) — Stressing out over everything doesn’t help your psyche.  Actually, it’s taking years off your life.  You are killing yourself. Stop. Calm down. Everything will be fine.

Cancer (June 21 to July 22) — Sometimes diets aren’t worth the torture.  For that matter, exercise isn’t all that great either.

Leo (July 23 to Aug. 22) — If you ever start to think your life is going nowhere, just go take a nap or something and you will be fine.

Virgo (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22) — If you ever wonder that someone is judging you, make a weird face or do a little dance.  Then you will know for sure.